when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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