He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
