mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
