Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Michael Bay diarrhea
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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