i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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