i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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