I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
