okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
whose parrot is this?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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