Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
