at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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