I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
