I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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