what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
