sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
