Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
