Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
