My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
