But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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