Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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