So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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