he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
