all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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