Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Randomize
