Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
