If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
