He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
she told me i tasted like america
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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