Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
