I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
