Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
