my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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