Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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