kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
