The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
