I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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