I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
