You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
