her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
