Please, let me fuck your mom
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
