I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Randomize
