my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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