did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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