Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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