P.S. I can't hear my feet
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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