Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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