Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
