I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
