i think i have herpe
just one?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
