I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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