grandma shit on top of the toilet
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
