Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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