Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
