from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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