Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
